tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90975953018427086652024-03-07T22:49:37.859-06:00Lawyer Mom on a MissionAdriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-22568234041109835992012-02-29T09:28:00.000-06:002012-02-29T09:28:01.536-06:00If You Give a Lawyer Mom with a Home Office a Cup of Coffee<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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If you give a lawyer mom with a home office a cup of coffee
while she’s doing legal research, she’ll want a Girl Scout cookie to go with
it. She’ll take the last box from the case and put the empty case in the
garage. When she opens the kitchen door to the garage she’ll see her son’s
shoes on the landing. She’ll take them to his room and see his bath towel on
the floor and remember it’s time to do laundry. She’ll gather all the towels
and head to the laundry room. As she’s loading the washing machine she sees the
Swiffer cloths and remembers the blinds need dusting. As she’s dusting the
blinds off the deck, she sees toys through the window and remembers she needs
to get back to researching grandparent’s rights in Georgia. As she sits down in
front of the computer she wants a cup of coffee and thinks she needs a separate
office!</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-26789524995743214822011-11-14T07:00:00.001-06:002011-11-14T08:14:47.150-06:00Some Good (Some Quirky) News For A ChangeThis weekend the news media bombarded us with some extremely bad news all weekend. Then I turn on the radio, and they are STILL TALKING about it. As a child advocate, it's really disturbing how callously those boys were and still are being treated. As the daughter of a veteran, the military mortuary scandal is horrifying. But, there's nothing I can do if I dwell on it except get angry and depressed, and that does no one any good. So, to find some balance I'm determined to start out everyday seeking GOOD, FUNNY, QUIRKY NEWS on the internet. <br />
<br />
A sample of what I found today:<br />
<br />
I really appreciate these,<br />
<br />
as a parent of a female teenager: <a href="http://blog.timesunion.com/parenting/15681/looks-my-teens-give-me-an-analysis/#1731-1">Looks My Teen Gives Me</a><br />
<br />
as a married woman: <a href="http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45253840/ns/today-good_news/#.TsEUk_LNTwQ">Man Digs Through 9 Tons of Trash for Wife's Ring</a><br />
<br />
as a pet owner: <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45257279/ns/us_news-weird_news/#.TsEUAvLNTwQ">Dog Eats $1000 Cash! </a>; <a href="http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45227747/ns/today-good_news/#.TsEVAPLNTwQ">Truckers Help Rescue Animals</a> (Kleenex alert!)<br />
<br />
as a human being: <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45193354/ns/us_news-wonderful_world/#.TsEVuPLNTwQ">Man Saved by Driver He Helped</a><br />
<br />
as a Jane Austen fan: <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/11/us-austen-blogger-odd-f-idUSTRE7AA3VN20111111">Jane Austen Would be a Blogger </a><br />
<br />
as someone who loves a good laugh: <a href="http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/funny_news.html">Funny News Stories</a> (a few are offensive, but the rest are jewels!)<br />
<br />
Happy Monday!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-61857242575433263442011-11-11T09:43:00.001-06:002011-11-11T13:54:31.097-06:00Please Honor a Veteran Today<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today is Veteran’s Day. Today is filled with memories for my
family and me. December 28 will be two years that we laid my father to rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a veteran, served in the Navy for 20
years. My father-in-law was an Army veteran. Lots of family members are
veterans of the Armed Forces. Having grown up “military,” I took for
granted the discipline, the sense of honor, the order, the work ethic, the
integrity. I fantasized about marrying a military man. I dreamed about entering
the military myself. Then I grew up.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
Now, I remember the long months my father was at sea. Often for
11 months out of the year—home for two months-gone again for 10 months. The
strain on family dynamics was great. I had a front row seat to real “Navy Wives”
drama. It was also very great. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
understand the high divorce rate among military marriages. Especially
servicemen that have seen battle. It does something to them, that those of us
at home will never understand. Inner-city ER personnel probably come closest.
The rest of us don’t have a clue.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">It wasn’t until I worked at Grady Memorial Hospital, Atlanta, Georgia's inner-city hospital, that I
had a glimpse of how military service can affect a person. It was then that I
got to know many, many homeless people. Too many are veterans. And sometimes
they come back so traumatized, so changed that they can’t find their place at
home any more. They don’t fit in with their families. Sometimes their issues so
severe, that in order to preserve itself, the family has to separate themselves from
the troubled vet because the resources to help the vet and the families transition back to civilian life are scarce or non-existent. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
When I took my mom to Fort Campbell recently, for grocery
shopping, I was struck by how young the soldiers were! I don’t remember the
youth. I was young. My memories are of big, strong men doing their duty. They were my heroes. I saw
wives shopping and knew they were struggling with tight budgets. I wondered how
many kids were missing their daddies; how many of the young men I
saw would be deployed and never return home; how many joined the
Army because in this economy that was the best option, and then realized they’d
gotten in over their heads. I began to pray. I prayed for everyone on the base—the
soldiers, the wives, the children.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
On the more positive side, I love to work with former
military. There is often an instant camraderie among vets and "military brats." However, the unemployment rate among former military is reportedly higher than
the general population. I don’t understand that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Former soldiers are usually dedicated to
getting the job done, and getting it done right. There’s a respect for the
chain of command that drastically reduces the occurrence of insubordination. Yes,
soldiers and former soldiers can be hard-nosed, but it’s what I know anyway and I can deal with it. The
growth of our country after WWII can be credited, in large part, to veterans
taking advantage of the GI Bill, a testimony to the value of discipline and
self-sacrifice. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Please honor a vet today. My family and I will go the
military cemetery in West Nashville, to visit my father, father-in-law and a
couple of uncles, and honor their memories. In your travels today determine how
best to honor a vet—a nod, a wave, a flag or flowers at a headstone, purchasing
a homeless or veteran paper from the guy on the corner, or buying him or her
lunch. Whatever you are led to do, please do. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">For our future veterans consider buying Girl Scout cookies
to be sent overseas, next year, Boy Scout popcorn, finding a penpal, sending “Care”
packages to those you know or with whom you are acquainted, however slight.
There are a lot of kids overseas without family, or home connections because
the service was their best option. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
tiniest gestures are appreciated more than you know. Regardless of your
philosophy on war or military service, please just reach out, human to human to
let them know someone cares.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-88690239900830930962011-11-08T07:46:00.002-06:002011-11-10T08:59:51.833-06:00This is Madness!<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In my internet travels I have found, yet again, another
reason for me to feel insecure about myself! Now, in some circles, it’s not cool to be called a
<a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2011/10/04/mompreneur-own-it-ignore-it-or-prove-it-wrong/">mompreneur.</a> Why? Because it tells others that you have other priorities. Huh? So, it's not cool to NOT sacrifice your family for work? </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That is madness.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One definition of "madness" is "senseless folly". It doesn't matter what you call yourself, there will ALWAYS be someone there trying to marginalize you. If I let all those who try to marginalize me for who I am, (a black, female, christian, mom, works from home--to name a few) I would go live in a cave. If you listened to all who want to criticize you, you'll be all over the place and that is madness! Craziness, foolishness!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One well-meaning lawyer mom told me not to tell anyone I had children. She told me she would put her child in the back of the courtroom and pretend he wasn't hers. Frankly, I checked out when she said that. I don't remember anything else she said. On May 12, 1992 I became a mom, by choice. I am proud of it, and realize I must make adjustments because of it, but denying that fact is not one.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have not always been this defiant. I empathize with the young "mompreneurs" who may be feeling their way. When I was younger I was also influenced by what others said. But, I soon realized that there will ALWAYS BE SOMEONE TO CRITICIZE YOU. I was so confused and defeated because I would adjust my course based on advice, then someone would find fault with that, so I'd change course again, and someone would find fault with that! You get the picture.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I stopped the madness when I followed some advice almost ten years ago that led to disaster, and I'm still suffering the consequences. The worst part is I knew better. My instincts were telling me otherwise. It was then I realized many people will advise you based on their own agenda, not what is best for you. Seek wise counsel, but trust your instincts, and a mother's instincts are powerful.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stop the madness! Trust your gut. <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/10/06/141120359/read-and-watch-steve-jobs-stanford-commencement-address">Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own voice-Steve Jobs</a> One of the best inspirational speeches out there!</span>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-45215920257513087442011-11-06T06:16:00.000-06:002011-11-06T06:34:56.772-06:00Going It Alone<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I must
preface this post with saying to those that don’t know me, that I am a rebel.
It surprises many because I am not loud or the in your face kind of rebellious.
It’s a “steel magnolia” kind of determination. Others who have seen it describe
me as “strong,” “driven,” or even “stubborn!” When I really want something to
happen, it happens, no matter what. The tone of this post is not as easy, breezy
as the others, because I’m sensing it’s time to get real. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The common
theme among some of the most recent studies of successful women is the
supportive spouse. (</span><a href="http://www.thenewperfect.com/"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Good Enough</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">, </span><a href="http://www.workingmother.com/"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Working Mother</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">, </span><a href="http://www.franchisereviewboard.org/mompreneurs-must-haves-for-this-year/"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">FRB</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">) Support of some kind is critical to success, and for
marrieds, the spouse is the closest and most logical source. But, what if he/she
isn’t on board? </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a rule, I
won’t share my family’s dirty laundry publicly, but I will this time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why will become clear soon. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">When I
decided to enter law school I didn’t tell my husband because I knew he wouldn’t
support it. I completed applications and registered for the LSAT before discussing it with him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d been told, directly, that I shouldn’t do
anything my husband was against. With all due respect to those who believe
that, I don’t. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">People will
advise you to talk it out, explain how you feel and he’ll come around. Very
often, too often, that doesn’t happen. I had to tell him when it came time to
sit for the LSAT. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I talked, but it didn’t
help. His concerns were I had a profession, why change now?, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the money it would take, (we had gotten out of
debt), and the 80+ hour work weeks. I hated being a dietitian, always have and after
almost 20 yrs, it was time for me to make a change. It was going to be expensive,
I couldn’t help that, but I minimized the loans as much as I could, and I wasn’t
interested in the typical lawyer track. He wasn’t convinced.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I get asked
all the time how I did it. How did I work, take care of kids and do law school,
and towards the end, take care of an ill parent. Lots of support is my answer.
Since my husband wasn’t supportive in the beginning I looked elsewhere.
Friends, family, colleagues. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had two
really close friends I could rely on for support and advice, and two female
professors especially were supportive and helpful with strategies to get
through that first year. It wasn’t easy. Honestly, it was “hell.” But, I made
it because I’m “strong,” “driven” or “stubborn.” Whatever name you give it, I AM
going to make it happen. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><o:p> </o:p>So, if you
are going to make it happen you have to look elsewhere for help. Recently, I
had a conversation with another woman with an unsupportive husband. She couldn’t
figure out how to do all she had to do to further her business goals because
she had to care for children. I advised her to ask for help. She has a huge
circle of friends and acquaintances and I wondered why she wouldn’t ask. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One reason was she knew how busy other moms
were with their families and she didn’t want to impose. The other-- she was
embarrassed to let others know how her husband behaved. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><o:p> </o:p>I advised
her that there are a lot of us out there, and they would understand because
they are dealing with “stuff” too. She asked, and now she has reciprocal babysitting
relationships with some of her friends. We all have "stuff, "and we should be
there for each other. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Some
husbands eventually come around. Mine did about halfway through, when he saw
that I was going ahead anyway, and I really wasn’t taking the typical “non-family
friendly” lawyer’s track. Now he's got my back and who better! Seeking
support from those around you who know and love you is the best strategy. But,
even if you can’t find friends and family someone will be your cheerleader. However,
you must be careful on the internet, and with whom you choose to share family
issues. Be absolutely sure they have your best interests at heart. Before now, outside
of my professors only two friends knew my struggle.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">There’s lots of advice if you’re trying to
realize a dream without a support network, and not all good.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p><a href="http://www.psychologies.co.uk/love/my-husband-wont-support-me/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.psychologies.co.uk/love/my-husband-wont-support-me/</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
Good</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p><a href="http://www.blogher.com/my-husband-wont-support-my-dreams"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.blogher.com/my-husband-wont-support-my-dreams</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
Bad</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p><a href="http://www.thebusinesscoachformoms.com/my-husband-doesnt-support-me/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.thebusinesscoachformoms.com/my-husband-doesnt-support-me/</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
Real </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/217845"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/217845</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Inspirational</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Take what’s
useful and leave the rest. Not all will apply to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good Luck!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-81093397282003757502011-11-04T08:34:00.002-05:002011-11-04T08:36:47.587-05:00OMG, It’s Friday!<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Every work-at-home professional I
know has an administrative day. This was my administrative week.<o:p></o:p></span>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I got nothing substantial done
all week! I knew Monday and Tues were goners with errands, report cards, a trip
to the Boy Scout store, sewing patches on a Cub Scout uniform, parent-teacher
meetings, etc. But, I thought I could get back on track by Wed, but, alas! it
was not to be. I had to leave the house everyday for something, and as you know,
when you get interrupted it’s hard to find the groove again. It’s Friday, and I’ve
done only two of the four most important things on my list, and virtually
nothing on the “want to do this week” list. So, I’m out of the house again
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I really need to work on the
content for my website. That takes research and focus. Research and focus take
time, and time is what I didn’t have this week. It’s Friday, so we don’t have
to get up early tomorrow, and I can stay up past my 10p bedtime. The kids are
accustomed to early bedtimes, so even on the weekends all are asleep by 10,
anyway. I can work until I can’t think straight, which is about midnight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Although I gripe, for effect, I
am grateful for the unfettered time to do all the little things required to
take care of a family. Like now. When this is published I’ll take a forgotten
lunch to school. If I worked outside the home, I would have gotten a panicked call.
I would then stress because they wouldn’t have money for lunch, and the lunch
room ladies get funny about charging, and then send nasty notes about taking
care of this ASAP! Then I would stress about making sure our account was
cleared. Giving a child money and making sure it got to the right place is
stressful in itself!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">When I worked a traditional job,
a lot of those little tasks became major tasks because there wasn’t time, and
they had to be done, so those little tasks became big tasks accompanied by big
stress, and someone saying, “Mom, chill. It’s not that big a deal!” But, it is
a big deal. It’s got to be done, and if you can’t do it, you have to delegate,
and delegate to the right person or you end up doing it yourself anyway. I’m
getting worked up just thinking about that frenzy we called “life”!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I’m so grateful to be at home,
but, like many professional moms who’ve decided to stay home, I worry about not
contributing to the family finances. (The practice is going to take some months
before my income makes any difference.) Then I remember the frenetic pace, the
stress, the missed deadlines, the missed moments, the EXHAUSTION, and I get
over it. Besides, I get a front row seat into Zane’s (7) world. One day this week,
at dinner after taking a few bites of food he would scribble on a pad, few more
bites, scribble . . . he was pretending to be a “food cricket” I love it!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-67864256041770764442011-11-01T09:14:00.002-05:002011-11-01T09:14:26.256-05:00When Mom Speaks . . .<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One thing my mom used to tell me still remains vivid in my
memory. “Don’t envy people because you don’t know what they’ve gone through to
get there.” Maybe it has stuck with me because I’ve seen so much suffering and nonsense,
even among the “privileged.” I mean real suffering, not the Kim Kardashian kind. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That phrase and “Always address people you meet by
Mr. or Mrs. until they give you permission to use their first names.” That one
haunts me because the social atmosphere currently is so informal. I still
practice that because I fear she’ll come around the corner at any moment, or
the next time I talk to her on the phone she will know that I called a stranger
by their first name. (She would always know, even when I was 200 miles away!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But, what I hated the most, (you can probably guess) was
“Because I said so!” I swore I would never say that to my kids. However, when
Mom spoke, I listened.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hated that, because I didn’t always agree, and debating
with my parents wasn’t an option. I wanted to ask “why?” so many times, but I
knew better. My plan was to reason with my children and let them know why the
rules are in place so they would understand and follow them. (I know you are
ROFL ‘bout now!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when I was faced
with disobedience my initial attempts at reasoning when they reached the stage
of reason often went like this: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Clean your room.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why, nobody goes in there? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Because, you need to get in the habit of cleaning up so
you’re not a slob. If you’re a slob no one will want to live with you.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What if they’re a slob, too?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Then your room will be a mess, and neither of you will have
friends. "</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">"What if I don't want any friends?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">"If you learn to clean your room, you’ll learn discipline and do well
in school. Go clean your room.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In later years, I noticed they were tuning me out during my “reasoning
speech.” The joke now is, while I’m talking and I can tell they’ve tuned me
out, I’ll say “no one is listening to me!” and someone will say “huh?” and
bring the house down. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They all get a
kick out of that, even Dad when he’s around.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And now, the conversations takes on the
proportions of a presidential debate. Even with the 7 yo.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Big sigh. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, that strategy hasn’t worked for getting clean rooms. After
20 years of parenting, I still can’t get a child to clean a bedroom regularly. The
“you can’t go anywhere until your room is clean” strategy works better. When my
teenager cleans her room everyone in the house knows she wants to go somewhere.
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Out of frustration, I have reverted to the occasional “Because
I said so!” I had about given up on the “reasoning” strategy, until I witnessed
my oldest (15 at the time) admonishing my youngest (5 at the time) for doing
something unkind to a baseball teammate. I don’t know what she said, but she
talked to him for quite a while. He was contrite, apologized to the little boy,
and I’ve never had a problem like that from him again. Since then I’ve frequently
witnessed the oldest two “reasoning” with the younger two. Occasionally jumping
in before I can open my mouth!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since, we’ve been here I’ve overheard conversations between
the girls. The most recent being my oldest daughter (now 17) coaching the
youngest <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(11) on how to take the high
road in dealing with difficult kids at school. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the arguments she made for and against certain
behaviors were compelling and pretty much the same arguments I would’ve made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmmm. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted to raise, independent thinking, reasoning ,
compassionate children. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So far, this has
been true. No serious trouble, all enjoy public reputations as polite, kind
children, pleasant to be around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t
say I will never use those dreaded words, “Because I said so!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m human, and sometimes I lose patience. And I can't say no one will ever give me any big trouble. We still got a lot of child rearing years ahead of us. But,
I take comfort in knowing that when this mom speaks, they appear to be
listening.</span></div>
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<br /></div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-12351937469089895042011-10-28T07:03:00.001-05:002011-10-28T10:54:25.557-05:00If 50 is the New 30, Then Why is My Bedtime 10pm?!Last weekend was one of my sisters-in-law’s 50<sup>th</sup><span class="Apple-style-span">
birthday.</span><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span">She and my MIL discussed that
50 is the new 30, 60 is the new 40, etc, when MIL said she didn’t look 50, (and
she really doesn’t. It wasn’t a mother’s bias talking.) I can see that. Women,
especially, are taking better care of themselves, and staying active for longer
periods, eating healthier, and life expectancy is greater than it used to be a
century ago.</span><br />
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But, that’s the outside, what about the inside? I’m just one
year from 50, and I don’t feel 29. I get migraines when it rains, my knees
hurt, my ankle is taking too long to heal, and forgetting why I entered a room
is a daily thing, actually several times a day. My kids are taking advantage of
my forgetfulness, and punishing them doesn’t work because I forget that I’ve
grounded them!</div>
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And when I was 29 I could stay up until 4 am, get up at 6 am
and still work a productive, full day. It seems with each half decade my
bedtime moves back 2 hours. I’m now at 10p. We have a strict bedtime routine,
not because it’s good for the kids, and they need to be rested for school, it’s
for me! They have to be in bed by 9:30, so I can get in bed by 10. (9:30 may
seem late for the 7 yo, but any earlier and he’s up at 4:30! At 9:30 he’ll
sleep til 6.)</div>
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And it’s easier to gain weight. And harder to lose it. And I
can’t find my waistline anymore. And I have bifocals. And . . . okay I need to
stop whining, because I have gained patience, (although I have less tolerance
for nonsense), compassion for others, more empathy, self-confidence, and
hopefully more wisdom. Solomon is one of my biblical heroes because he longed
for wisdom, and I have enough experience to value wisdom over beauty or money. And I’m
wise enough to know that when I’m rested I’m less forgetful. So, in a few more
years my bedtime will be 8p, and the kids will be putting me to bed!</div>
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<br /></div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-3018637929879565992011-10-27T08:32:00.000-05:002011-10-27T21:03:38.576-05:00A Dark Side of Motherhood<br />
For the last week I’ve ruminated on the sacrifices we make
for our children . . . career, time, money, SLEEP, and our lives figuratively
and literally. Can’t imagine doing it any other way. Can’t imagine anyone else
doing it any other way?
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Yesterday, I went to court for a hearing, as a CASA, where I
witnessed a young mother giving up her child because she couldn’t conquer the
demons that led to her drug addiction. She sacrificed her child for drugs.
Shocking, yes, but also very, very common. The Juvenile Justice dockets are
full of cases just like that one. Anyone who watches the news knows that not
all mothers love and care for their children like we do. It’s heartbreaking,
but it’s what I want to make my life’s work.</div>
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I am a trained Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) for GA, and will
become a GAL in TN once I obtain a TN Bar license. Guardians Ad Litem advocate
for the best interests of children in court. We are not “child attorneys” where
the child is our client and the duty is to advocate for the client’s wishes.
The difference is subtle, but significant and beyond the scope of this piece. </div>
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Many have said, “I couldn’t do that. It would be too sad.”
It is sad, but my response is “SOMEONE has to look out for the children.” It’s not only abuse and neglect cases that I
will take, although they are the most common. Aside from assisting with
paperwork, as a GAL is the only way I will participate in a divorce case. Think
it’s shocking that parents sacrifice their children for drugs? I’m shocked at
how many parents sacrifice their children to extract revenge on a spouse or
co-parent. I assisted a few clients with divorces, child support and fielded
some custody questions, and decided quickly, that I didn’t have the stomach for
it. All full-service family law cases are referred to my fearless colleague <a href="http://gulleylawgroup.com/">Miechia Gulley, Esq.</a></div>
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I understand that sometimes divorce is necessary, especially
when abuse is present, but when anger is front and center and eclipses all
common sense is where my sympathy ends. It’s why many other lawyers are getting
out of family law, and those that remain are so expensive. </div>
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Although many, in my closest social and professional circles,
can’t imagine not thinking of the best interests of our children, too many of
us don’t. Children get lost in the shuffle all around us, and we never have a
clue. As a CASA, and a GAL I will help to fill in the gaps for some of those
children. It is hard and it’s darn heartbreaking, but “SOMEONE has to look out
for the children!”</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-75808100827306848612011-10-25T07:08:00.000-05:002011-10-25T07:11:01.333-05:00The New PerfectJust days after my last blog about finding the right balance as a mom, the
latest issue of my favorite magazine arrived in the mail, (no, it’s not O!) <a href="http://www.workingmother.com/"><i>Working
Mother</i></a>, and the November cover story (unfortunately, it's not on
newsstands yet.) . . . <i>the choices we
make, </i>a study on how we <b><i>feel</i></b> about the choices we make.
Reading that article reminded me of the book <a href="http://thenewperfect.com/good-enough-is-the-new-perfect/"><i>Good Enough, the New Perfect,</i></a> by
Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple, a book outlining their
empirical study of working moms and how we feel about the choices we make. It's
a hot topic!<br />
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While the WM study focuses on working moms and stay-at-home moms, <i>Good Enough</i> focuses on working,
professional women with big degrees, big offices and big salaries. The primary
difference being that many professional women have the luxury of choice, but
what is surprisingly revealed by both studies is that the struggles to be a
good mom, wife, employee, friend, business owner, etc. are the same, no matter
the education, occupation or income level. We all carry the ever present,
“mommy guilt.” <br />
<br />
Just as I am liberated by living by my choices, and no one else’s, it’s
validating to read that so many other mothers are struggling with the same
issues and crafting strategies that work for their families, and no one else’s.
My new favorite quote is "Don't let your inner voice be drowned out by
other's opinions." Steve Jobs. There are so many voices and so many
opinions, it's no wonder so many mothers are confused and frustrated. There is
no "one size fits all."<br />
<br />
A traditional division of labor may be okay for my neighbor, but my
family is not traditional so that solution will not work for us. My husband
cooks and does laundry, and that is OKAY! That doesn't mean I'm not doing my
job as a mother, it means it needs doing, I'm busy at the moment and he's not .
. . no earth shattering social statement!<br />
<br />
It’s encouraging to see success stories of women who have crafted
creative strategies that yield more satisfaction in their lives. Reading their
stories can infuse you with the motivation needed to overcome your current
obstacles. “If they can do it, so can I!” The success comes in doing what is
best for your family, not necessarily the fancy job with the fancy office and
fancy salary to afford the fancy nanny. <br />
<br />
Becky and Hollee have a <a href="http://thenewperfect.com/">website</a> to
continue the dialogue, and a Google search of <i>Good Enough is the New Perfect, </i>work/life balance, working mom, mompreneur,
etc., will yield myriad websites and blogs filled with encouragement,
motivation and validation for whatever your situation, be it as a
mompreneur, PT, FT, work at home, stay at home, you name it, SOMEONE OUT THERE
has been there and can give some guidance. We need to take it easy on
ourselves, and know that we are Good Enough!</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-69688552065145027682011-10-13T10:20:00.000-05:002011-10-13T10:20:50.741-05:00Gotta Take Care of the Kids!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Recently, I had to explain to my 7 yo son what is a CASA (Court –Appointed Special Advocate) and what they do (act as the voice of abuse and neglected children in Juvenile Court). He didn’t get it. The look on his face said “why would a parent not take care of their own child?” I finally changed the subject, and he moved on. A really, good question, and one that baffles many of us who feel we are taking proper care of our children. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I challenge you to ask yourself “Am I taking care of my kids?” Most of us are not at risk of having DFCS insert themselves into our lives, but we still should periodically ask ourselves “Is what I’m doing REALLY for the best?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">That means different things to different people (obviously!), but what is not obvious is whether or not what we’re doing is the best thing. Since we’ve moved to Nashville and I’ve reverted back to being a stay-at-home mom, the kids have lots of memories they share, frequently accompanied by the phrase “Mom, that was when you weren’t around!” Gut punch! (<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Having a working mother works for a lot of women and a lot of families. This isn’t an attack on working mothers. It’s a reflection on how it worked/didn’t work for my family.)</i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">An innocent phrase except for the frequency in which they use it, and the hint of pain in their voices. Reluctantly, I extracted more from the girls, 17 and 11. It all seemed to start when I started law school. I worked part-time and went to school at night, but free time was spent studying. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the last two years of school, I worked full-time and there were days I didn’t see any of the children since I left before they arose, and come home after bedtime. I remember the stress and of missing a lot. My youngest was 13 months old and I don’t remember much about his toddler/preschool years. A big regret.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Prior to law school I was involved in every aspect of the children’s lives. I tried to continue with that pattern with disastrous results. After the first semester, I had to shift priorities and the family had to move down the priority list for a time. The girls speak of feeling lost, lonely and the family closeness disintegrating. I also remember turmoil stemming from my sudden departure from daily family life. Not many family trips, family meals, special functions or in general family times. Much, much lost time. But, nothing good comes without sacrifice, sometimes great sacrifice. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">My two older children have sacrificed the most in that they were teenagers and needed Mom. Yes, Dad was there, and brings his own gifts and talents to the table, but being “Mom” isn’t one of them! But, I hope I can make up for that by easing their transition into adulthood with some of the perks and benefits that come from having a lawyer mom.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I’ve asked both girls which they would rather have “money and no mommy”, or “mommy and no money?” Both say a unanimous “mommy and no money.” Even with this I still think it was in our best interests for me to become a lawyer. When it does pay off, the takeaway lesson will be success comes with hard work and sacrifice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can preach at them, talk to them, send them to conferences, but it’s not going to stick until they live it and experience it. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I hope that when my success finally comes, they remember the sacrifices as necessary evils, and take that lesson forward; not fear pain and sacrifice in their own lives and push through to their goals. On the surface it may look like my leaving my family for a time was not for the best. And there will be some that will always judge me for that, but I’m at the age and stage of my life where I really don’t care. I care about my family, and how what I do and say affects them. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">My oldest son, who is a freshman in college, has already benefitted, as we aren’t seeing “freshmanitis” in him. He is buckling down, as he knows good grades, and success takes effort and hard work. So far his grades are good, and he’s doing well on the football team. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">We have another going to college next year and I pray she also takes those lessons to heart. And I believe she has, as she’s not allowing the usual high school drama distract her from her goal of going to dance school in New York. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grades are good, too and NO BOYFRIEND!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">It appears they haven’t been damaged, too much. But, looking deeper, I know they will come to fully understand that the sacrifice was worth it, and me taking the time to better myself and my future ensures a better future for them, and in the end, what I did was for the best. I am, was and will always “do what is best for my kids!” </div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-64084387732389198752011-09-17T20:08:00.000-05:002011-09-17T20:56:08.684-05:00If I’m Gonna be a Sandwich, I Wanna be a California Chicken Salad Sandwich!<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Some time ago, during a discussion about caring for my parents I heard the term “sandwich generation,” used to describe those of us caring for aging parents and dependent children. California Chicken Salad is my favorite sandwich, with grapes, pecans, chunk white meat chicken, mayo, thyme, and other savory spices. Mmmmm. So, if I’m going to be a sandwich, a California Chicken Salad Sandwich is what I want to be.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Lean, savory, a little fruity, a little nutty, and very filling- to sustain through the long haul! Lean, to have the energy to run between the generations, and meet the demands of children who expect you to be there, because you always have, and parents who expect you to be there because you always were. Savory, which also means pleasant and edifying, to remind myself that although I am an adult, and have been for quite a while, I’m biblically mandated to “honor my parents,” even when the aging process changes who they are, and who you remember them to be. Illness can do terrible things to the mind.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">The fruity and nutty part gives me the ability to see the humor in any situation, and when I say ANY, I mean ANY situation. Of course, most of those things are meant to remain among family, but I’m sure many of you know what I mean. If I don’t laugh I will cry, and I don’t have time to cry. So, I fill myself with chicken and the love of God, and keep moving. I’m not in denial, I’m not stuffing it, or eating away my pain. (I’m overweight because I like food, I don’t exercise enough, and I’m approaching 50!) </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">This is hard, and I knew that going into it, but it is what it is, and I am who I am. I couldn’t sleep at night if I didn’t do all I knew I could to remedy a bad situation. It’s how God made me, and my father raised me. It’s like this for many of us in the 21<sup>st</sup> century, people are living longer, and we waited later to have children so everything is reaching a peak at the same time! Something has to give and it’s usually me, but to remedy that I’m doing it my way. And at almost 50, the California Chicken Salad Sandwich way is it! I’m not quite as lean, more savory, I hope, and a little fruitier and nuttier than I used to be, and therefore, filled with “gumption” and the courage to be as unorthodox as necessary to get the job done.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"> My mission, as a lawyer mom, is taking shape. I have the time and energy now to focus since I’m pulled in only 5 directions, instead of 10! A.G. Thompson Law, LLC, “The Family Practice,” has a primary focus of the building and maintenance of the family, and the protection of children, through adoption, estate planning, and providing legal services as a Guardian Ad Litem. My practice will be a family building practice. (I will participate in divorce actions only as a Guardian Ad Litem, to look out for the best interests of children. I don’t have the patience for the rest of it.) My official website launch is just weeks away! (The one you see if you Google my firm name is not the official site.) It is truly a 21<sup>st</sup> century law firm, as it is primarily web-based for my convenience and those other “sandwiches” who don’t have time to visit a lawyer’s office. And with that I CAN have it all as a mother, daughter, wife and lawyer, and will be an official card-carrying member of the Club “Sandwich.”</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-59624836303946246372011-07-30T08:38:00.000-05:002011-07-30T08:38:21.739-05:00On Being Noble<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">I was called “noble” this week, and it wasn’t because I’m a member of the “noble profession.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was because, my husband and I are moving back to Nashville, TN to care for our aging mothers. “Really?!” Was my response. It was an electronic communication, and I hope I didn’t seem rude and ungracious when she offered the compliment, but, I was taken aback, and shocked at being given praise for caring for my parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although, I totally understood where she was coming from, it just stuck me as very sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sad, because taking care of people who brought me into this world and sacrificed, for me, is considered noble. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Yes, children neglect their parents . . . a lot. Healthcare workers see it all the time. Especially those in nursing homes, and Elder Care attorneys see it a lot, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elder abuse is rampant these days, and many of the perpetrators are family. It happens. I’ve witnessed it as a healthcare worker, and as a law student and an attorney . . . but still . . . to get praise for caring for my parents just seems counterintuitive!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why are we moving our entire family, and leaving a life we’ve built for more than 20 years in GA?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leaving all our children have ever known? Because it’s Mom!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some will get that without explanation. Some won’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some that don’t get it, it will be for lack of the warm fuzzies associated with mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get that, too. As a CASA and Guardian Ad Litem Intern, I saw how horrific some mothers treat their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not likely many of those children will do what my husband and I are doing. But still. I feel undeserving of praise for doing what I should do, for doing the right thing. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I know it’s the right thing to do because so many things are falling into place. A house is immediately available, both mothers needs have come to mini-crisis points simultaneously, I can stay home and care for everyone, and work on building the practice (web-based), and the most significant ---my husband and I agreed to make the move, in a single conversation, without debate! (Imagine that!) </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Telling the children was horrible—at first—lots of tears and wailing!--- then, after they saw the benefits of being with Gran Gran, and Granma in the family holiday hub, seeing cousins, and aunts and uncles more often, and going to “public school,” they are fully on board.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My oldest daughter will graduate from her father’s alma mater. They all think that’s pretty cool. And they know the grandmothers need help. They totally understood, because that’s what “we” do. We take care of family. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Although, when I tease about early Alzheimer’s setting in, and one of them will have to take care of me, the two oldest are the first to say, “Not it!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m certain, one of four will care for me. Almost certain . . . <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fairly certain. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely, one of them will. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lord, help me! </div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-6181398877461759132011-07-17T18:24:00.000-05:002011-07-17T18:24:39.107-05:00The Seeds of An Estate Planning Practice<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">The first Community Legal Seminar, Miechia Gulley, Esq of the Gulley Law Group was held Saturday, July 9, at the Library in Winder, GA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We asked for RSVP’s and received none. I placed a press release in the local papers, in print and electronically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The electronic announcement received about 40 views.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, we hadn’t received any calls or notifications that we would have any attendees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We weren’t sure if anyone was coming. But, we continued to prepare and showed up. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Ultimately, we had four attendees. Two came in the morning and two more halfway through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We weren’t sure how we were received. It seemed to go well, and everyone left apparently satisfied with our program, but since they weren’t clients, yet, and we didn’t know if we would see or hear from any of them again, we just weren’t sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it didn’t take long. Sunday afternoon, I got an email AND a phone call. It was then that we realized just how well received we were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One member of our audience belongs to an organization that provides continuing education classes to older citizens. She passed our names on to the curriculum director, who has extended an invitation to be included in their Spring schedule! OMGoodness!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Small turnout, big ripple effect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m in the process of drafting a class outline to submit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And planning more seminars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve heard seminars are very effective marketing tools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m inclined to agree. </div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-1340852449477120322011-07-04T10:50:00.000-05:002011-07-04T10:50:17.220-05:00That’s Not How It’s Usually Done . . .<div class="MsoNormal">It’s been a while ‘cause I’m kinda busy! Not complaining, just saying. . . </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I started working as a dietitian for an international facilities management company in Feb. My first assignment for the new job was in Augusta, and while there I fractured my ankle. That slowed me down quite a bit. Currently transitioning out of a boot, and will start six weeks of physical therapy this week. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In May I landed a permanent position as a dietitian in Decatur. I commute about an hour, but I’m home and not out of town during the week. I would have continued to travel if I had to, but am very grateful that I don’t, so the commute is a blessing. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Since I am working a traditional job during the workweek I don’t have the time to develop the practice, and finally found someone to assist me with branding the practice and building the website. That has been an adventure. I tried three web designers before I found the current one. Since I’m a start-up I thought I’d give other start-ups a boost, and save some money, too. I got impatient and developed my own logo, but his is much better! Well, the old saying “you get what you pay for,” is an old saying for a reason! I can’t wait to unveil his creation for AG Thompson Law, LLC. Wait, I will though. My impatience continues to get me into trouble. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And my virtual law practice launch date is going to have to wait longer than I planned because life just gets in the way. In the last three months, we’ve had a second car, our air conditioner, and our water heater breakdown. AND the roof is leaking again. Since I’m funding the practice out of personal funds, those funds must be diverted to take care of these household “emergencies,” so the practice has to wait, again.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">These emergencies bring home the importance (and the blessing) of having the traditional job while I build the practice. If I was single I would tough it out, but I’m not, so I can’t. Not complaining . . .it is what it is.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Working a traditional job while trying to build a law practice is not how it’s usually done, but I’ve encountered several lawyers who are doing the same. It’s a matter of economics . . .kids, mortgage, school loans, etc. . . I don’t have the luxury of waiting the requisite five years to build a practice that can sustain a lifestyle, no matter how modest. So, I’ll do what I can, and stay motivated as I watch my classmates build their practices. . . Miechia L. Gulley, Esq-Gulley Law Group, LLC, specifically is moving full-steam ahead. She and I, though we practice in different areas, are collaborating to provide free legal clinics. Our first is July 9, 2011 at Piedmont Library in Winder, GA. It’s the first of many. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I can’t do what I want, but I’ll do what I can. It’s not how it’s usually done, but I’ve never been one to do that anyway!</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-26925830470285382432011-02-18T08:32:00.000-06:002011-02-18T08:32:01.152-06:00"Mama Bear" with a Law Degree<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">This week I had to come to the defense of my oldest son.<span> </span>My husband said to me “ ‘down lawyer’ . . . just be mom for a minute.” Well, mom is “mama bear,” I think they’d rather deal with the lawyer. The lawyer will be rational, and composed. Mom will attack and defend . . .to the death! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In all seriousness, I thought about what he said. What he wanted me to do was separate my selves, and be who I needed to be, at that moment. I don’t know if I can do that, completely. A veteran lawyer told me recently, that I won’t be able to separate myself from being a lawyer anymore. It IS who I am now. And she is right. I see liability everywhere I go, from the askew grates at the ballpark that will allow a small child to slip through, or an adult to twist an ankle; to the ice in the parking lot of my favorite grocery store that was a “slip and fall” waiting to happen, risk aversion is ingrained in my thought processes.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But, not everyone is going to know, nor do they need to know that I'm a lawyer. Flaunting my bar license is not what I'll do, but using it to my advantage when ethically and legally appropriate, I will. There are a lot of bullies and crooks out there!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My oldest son (18 yo) thinks it’s cool, my oldest daughter (just days from turning 17), not so much. She has to stringently follow the curfew laws even though her younger friends don’t. It may be that their parents are unaware of the curfew, or just don’t care. It doesn’t matter. She will be IN the house, NOT on the way home, no later than 11:59 p, if that late. It’s the Law.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I “yam” what I “yam.” (Corny, I know, but I love Popeye!)<span> </span>I wasn’t born a mother, but I am one now, and it’s ingrained in my DNA. My instincts are now controlled by the mother in me. I wasn’t born a lawyer, but I am one now.<span> </span>My thoughts are now controlled by my legal training. My first reaction will always be to protect my children, my next reaction will always be “what does the law say?” It makes me “heck” to deal with. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A “mama bear” with a law degree .<span> </span>. <span> </span>. watch out!</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-6533448484908628682011-02-09T10:02:00.000-06:002011-02-09T10:02:45.799-06:00The Pursuit of Balance . . .<div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">I love conferences. The buzz of activity, lots of people, lots of information, lots of learning, lots of opportunities! This week the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Mid-Year Meeting is in Atlanta, and there is NO COST for the meeting, except for a few choice continuing legal education (CLE) credits. A major association conference, free CLE’s with no hotel bill, right at my back door, and no work schedule to juggle! But, alas, this week is also the week my two youngest must have the last hard-copy portfolios of the year completed and mailed to their virtual school teachers. (Really, BIG sigh.)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why not let Dad do it? Tried that! Barely made it. Not doing that again. Missing a portfolio deadline is akin to moving your clip from green to yellow, for the parents! These decisions are what makes me want to chuck it all, and be mom only again. I loved it. Life was much simpler then, but that was then. Circumstances won’t allow a return to the simpler life. But, all is not lost. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Believe it or not, there are those of us who have never aspired to Big Law, or law firm life. If I had done it sooner . . . if I didn’t have children . . .if . . .if . . .if, then maybe I would have chosen Big Law, but I didn’t, and here I am with a law degree, a bar license and four children, and I have to deal with it. And deal with it I will, because this is the best time to be in this predicament. At this moment, there’s a movement afoot. Mom lawyers who want it all, the career AND the kids, are pioneering a practice model called the “virtual law office,” or VLO. (other lawyers are there too, but a mom is leading the way.) Lawyers with VLO’s can provide service anywhere they have a secure internet connection. I follow <a href="https://www.kimbrolaw.com/">Stephanie Kimbro</a>, <a href="http://www.mdfamilylawyer.com/">Richard Granat</a> and <a href="http://rachelrodgerslaw.com/">Rachel Rodgers</a> closely. Their offices are online. Completely online. And the technology is available through a platform provided by <a href="http://www.directlaw.com/">DirectLaw</a> so I don't have to be a techie to do this! Hallelujah! This practice model works best for areas of law that are transactional and paper-driven, like business law, wills and estate planning, pro se actions (DIY), but that is where I want to be anyway. My practice will cover all areas of family law, wills and estate planning, adoptions; the family building areas of law as well as the areas that assist the unfortunate disintegration of the family. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Perfect. Home office, reasonable hours, flexibility to be teacher’s helper, or attend field trips without office drama. Some lawyer moms have solely VLO’s, and make no court appearances nor see clients in person. However, my practice is already starting out traditionally with face to face client contact, and that’s okay. It will keep things interesting. I tend to get bored easily. By this time next year my VLO will be fully functioning, and although I still may not be able to attend a legal conference of my choice, I can write a will after the portfolios are in the mail, and the kids are in the bed. Balance. </div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-23391841387347552162011-01-29T10:27:00.000-06:002011-01-29T10:27:17.380-06:00Integrity can be costly<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">Before I became a lawyer, I tried to do the right thing. Now that I am a lawyer I am bound to do the right thing. (I can hear the collective snickers and guffaws!) It was costly then, and it’s still costly. Even more so now that five other people are affected by my choices. Costly, in that the crowd goes the way you know is wrong, and you go the right way, often alone. But, I’m not really alone. God is with me. I had to leave a job, but He immediately replaced it. There will be a gap in income, (a costly part), but greater rewards with this next position to make up for what I just gave up. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Prior to law school I would have outlined the entire ordeal, here. After law school, not a word. I will only discuss the lessons learned, and vent to enable me to move on.</div><div class="MsoNormal"> </div><div class="MsoNormal">People who do wrong, will harangue, cajole, criticize, berate, commit slander, and try to shame you into following them. It takes a strong stomach to withstand the pressure. Staying strong can cost you your reputation, friends, and supporters. Unfortunately, trying to tell your side of the story can backfire. But, when you stand silent, you often stand alone. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal">Learning to stay strong in alone takes time and experience. When given the choice between my self-respect and money, I have learned to choose my self-respect. Which is why I’m poor, now!<span> </span>Not saying that rich people, or people with money have no self-respect, just saying that’s been my life’s trajectory.<span> </span>My late father never sat me down to impart life’s lessons to me. He just lived his values, and in turn imparted them to his children. I believe I have done the same, because my children often “check” me when I stray!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’m reeling from an event that took place this week, a result of my determination to do what I knew was right, not what I was told to do, which would have been troublesome for me later. (I have been thrown under the bus too many times to willingly take a hit for anyone to whom I have not given birth.) I know I can be considered a difficult employee to some, because I will not do anything illegal, unethical or just plain stupid. It’s a miracle I haven’t been fired for insubordination. A clue that I should be self-employed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Hopefully, my tolerance for poverty will keep me out of trouble with the State Bar. A good majority of lawyers get in trouble for ethics violations because of money. Reportedly, they make poor choices for the sake of a dollar. To date that hasn’t been a problem for me. With this latest episode it’s still not a problem. I pray that when I’m fully practicing it will continue to not be a problem. I pray that when I’m a fully practicing lawyer my propensity to do the right thing in the face of intense opposition will be what makes me, not just a good lawyer, but a great one. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-52579201851975136252011-01-20T20:39:00.000-06:002011-01-21T11:17:03.899-06:00Keeping My Eye on the Prize<div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">I know I need to network. I hate it. I’m an introvert, by nature, but, it’s the cornerstone of getting to know people. And getting to know people is the cornerstone of networking. And networking is the cornerstone of building a business, and building a business (law practice) is what I must do.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But with family, work and creating the business who has time to just meet people? Following blogs, reading blogs, writing blogs, tweeting, following tweets, reading tweets, facebook, LinkedIn. . . I could spend hours in front of the computer . . . now I have to go meet people, and meet them again, and again, and again to build relationships to create a referral network . . . websites, SEO, social media, marketing. That’s a lot of work! And a whole lot of time. </div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">With all this blogging, tweeting and networking, the purpose behind building a business at home can get lost. With all that has to be done to build a successful business the kids can get lost. Before you know it, you are fitting the family around the business instead of the business around the family. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This week I found myself sitting down at the computer to do just one thing, and looked up and it’s 2 hours later! And the kids have been on self-check all this time! Oh my! Not acceptable, and completely negates the purpose of why I want to be a mom entrepreneur. But, building and running a business takes time, and the two begin to conflict. What to do . . . What to do? </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The self-imposed guilt is ever present. The Baby Boomer moms are judgmental of moms who put their children before a career, even in the age of the Gen Y work-life balance culture. The Helicopter Moms are judgmental because they are taking your child to practice instead of you. Zane (6 yo) asks me EVERYDAY if I have to go to work tomorrow. And his face kills me when I have to say yes, even though I say yes only three days of the week! What to do?!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The January 12 segment of Lady T’s blogtalkradio was phenomenal in steering me in the right direction . . . to refocus . . . to try to create the balance that works for my family! <b><a href="http://tobtr.com/s/1479769" target="_blank">The Art of Leveraging Your Time 1/12/2011 - Powerful Women Only | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio</a></b> </div><div class="MsoNormal">tobtr.com</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Especially after listening to <a href="http://www.thebusinesscoachformoms.com/blog/%20">Lady T, Business Coach for Moms</a>, my friend and longtime companion in the journey of how to care for our families and not get lost in the shuffle, I’m determined not to lose any of what I’m so desperately trying to preserve. </div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Right on time, Lady T! Thanks.</div>Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097595301842708665.post-20628223578060461122011-01-10T11:52:00.000-06:002011-01-10T11:52:32.481-06:00The Journey Begins<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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</style> <![endif]--> Actually, the journey began May 14, 2010 when I resigned my position as administrator of a set of independent dialysis clinics.<span> </span>I could have stayed and still put my law degree to good use because the healthcare industry is a legal minefield.<span> </span>But, the overwhelming response from everyone, except those at the clinics, was “why would you do that?”<span> </span>Money is the first thing that comes to mind! But, life is about creating something that cannot be measured by how much money you make. At least my life, anyway.<br />
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The life I want to create will merge who I am, a mom, with who I want to be, a practicing lawyer, on my terms. On my terms means not limiting myself because I am a mom.<span> </span>On my terms means an awareness of the inherent limits of being a mom, but pushing the envelope anyway. On my terms means providing service to parents like me, those without enough money to afford a full-service attorney, but too much money to qualify for legal aid, with some pro bono for good measure.<br />
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There aren’t many attorneys like that. It’s not a high dollar practice, and I accept that.<span> </span>And, as a 21st century attorney I must immerse myself in internet technology, I won’t survive if I don’t. For me, a mammoth task that is an almost 90 degree learning curve! But, a necessary task that must be done if I am to create this life I crave, a life that includes an active part in my children’s lives, and a dynamic career in the law. It’s being done, so I know I can do it, too. <br />
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(Case in point . . . I just deleted half of my original post, and must go back and recreate! From this point, I will compose in Word, and cut and paste. Aaaah!!!<span> </span>So, now I know I have to hire someone to build and maintain my website. I was going to do it myself, to save money, but I see now . . . not a good idea!)<br />
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But, as a semi-rural practitioner I must also have some traditional trappings of a law office. Believe it or not, there are still people out there without access to the internet, and no interest in doing so. <span> </span>A long time social acquaintance still doesn’t own a cell phone! And, I’m told I may need to become a generalist to some degree, for the population I want to serve.<span> </span>This all has to be parsed (yes, I know what this means, my linguistic friends, but I like the imagery), combined with the process of setting up a business, combined with the process of setting up a law practice; sprinkle in work, church and family time, and the entire project, is by default, long-term. So, I’m settling in and taking it one step at a time. <span> </span><br />
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This blog is a platform to continue my journey. This personal blog is a safe place for me to learn and make mistakes, rather than my law firm website. Not too many mistakes, because I am, after all, still a lawyer, and being a lawyer governs almost everything you do. <span> </span>Just one mistake of the wrong type could cost my license. Even here.<br />
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Anyway, this is the forum to help me focus.<span> </span>There is a constant buzz in my head, and I don’t know where to start . . . the mandatory transition program for new lawyers is a must, but after that . . . incorporation, mentors, the business plan, the practice plan, blogging, blogtalkradio, seminars, website, business cards, malpractice insurance, IOLTA accounts . . . the list is endless. <span> </span>Here, if I have to write about it, I will focus, prioritize and get moving.<br />
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I am a mom, but I will lament more about being a mom trying to carve a life for herself rather than the daily goings on of my family, a mom trying to start and build a law firm in the midst of the comings and goings of a family of six. <span> </span>No soapboxes though, not here. If I do, by chance, get on one, feel free to knock me off! This journey will be difficult, yes, but I’ve been here before . . . law school, job and family . . . and succeeded<span> </span>. . . and I’ll do it again!Adriannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06746356094564628118noreply@blogger.com0